Sorry it’s late, I know how important this daily dose of tripe is to my devoted following (i.e. Toni).
Today is my first day after a night of chemo. It has been significantly less interesting than yesterday, not involving touching myself in an elegant old manor house.
Therefore, it’s time to take a look around my room at a couple of the other inmates* round here:
The Happie Chappie:
“PMA**. Positive Mental Attitude. FACT.” – HC
Happie Chappie (HC) is made of pure talkative awesome. Like most of the folks in here, he’s in his sixties and has done most jobs under the sun, he highly recommends the treatments, ‘cos he’s been having them for 14 years(!) and keeps coming back for more. Now, I’m not an expert on cancer, but I’m fairly sure that a good treatment doesn’t result in recurrences in different places and enough return visits for a free parking space. That’s a parking space for the patient, not the cancer. Although that’s a cool image, complete with Mr Tumour in a suit packing his suitcase and setting off from home at 5:45am in a Mid-range Audi.
Yeah, you heard me. Cancer drives an Audi. FACT.
The Wizard:
“Nurse!…Finally! You’ll need a colleague. Right…you need to grab that pillow and put it there, you need to grab that pillow and put it there, no not there! Down, down, down, stop! Where’s the Ovaltine I ordered 2 minutes ago? What are you doing, raise me up a bit blah blah blah I’m a spoilt twat.” – The Wizard
[This quote was collected from testimonies of other patients in the room as well as my own]
There was a guy here when I arrived on Monday who kept the curtain closed all round his bed, all the time. I never saw his face once. I heard his voice a lot. This guy just left so we’re all sitting here bitching about what a rude, demanding dickhead he was.
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!
Nurse May
“I’ll just lean over here and adjust your teddy bear…” – NM
Mmmmm……….
See tomorrow’s entry for a (frankly unnecessary) explanatory picture….
And now I’m knackered. And I need to pee. That is all.
El Chemlion or tiger or bear, oh my!
* What is the difference between inmates and inpatients? This question deserves a whole entry to itself, and will receive one when I’m not bursting for a pee. Suffice to say that every poor lonely convict needs a friend which leads me to the etymology ‘in-need-of-mates’. I leave the punch line to that clever little brain of yours.
** And for the real geeks out there, no not Post/Pre-Menstrual Alchemist or Poemi Metal Alchemist.
You got the touch….
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